Leaders: Here’s How To Connect With People

On occasion, I’ve been asked by leaders for advice regarding what they should do to better connect with the people around them. After many years of working with literally thousands of leaders, I’ve come to believe that effective leadership is about being able to influence the people who work with and for you. And in the end, that ability to influence people is a function of the quality of the relationships you have with them. In my view, leadership is fundamentally about building relationships.

Three Things a Leader Needs to Understand

What does it take to connect or build a relationship with someone? In order for a leader to connect with someone, they first need to understand the following three things about that person:

1. They need to know what the person really cares about in their work and personal lives — what they’re really for, what is their purpose.
2. They need to know what the person worries about or is concerned about — in a sense, what they’re against.
3. They need to understand the circumstances of the person’s life: their family situation, their health, their life context.

If a person believes that you really ‘get’ what they’re for, what they’re against, and the circumstances of their life, they are more likely to be open to being influenced by you. Conversely, if someone perceives that you are unaware of or don’t understand them or their life circumstances, they will be less likely to want to work with you.

I originally learned this from Mickey Connolly and Richard Rianoshek, who wrote the book ‘The Communication Catalyst’ and with whom I studied at courses run by their Boulder, Colorado-based consultancy, Conversant. Their book will always be on my list of the top 10 leadership books of all time.

Mickey and Richard also point out that every human being wants to feel valued and wants to be heard. It’s important for leaders to always remember this when dealing with their people. Leaders need to be very conscious of their demeanor when interacting with employees — they need to work at being present for the other person. Consciousness regarding making eye contact and engaged body language will help leaders convey the message that they are listening and that they value the other person.