I received a huge response to my article on May 23, 2016 which was entitled: ‘Business Leaders: Dealing With Life Transitions.’ I posted Part II on June 4th of the same year. In Part III, I’m going to share some thoughts on how to move forward from the Stuck Place.
The Hudson Model of Life Transitions
Dr. Hudson’s work, outlined in his book ‘The Adult Years: A Time For Self-renewal,’ provides a comprehensive map for people dealing with the need to make changes in their lives. There are four phases in the model. One can imagine that life is about repeatedly moving clockwise around a circle.
It starts in Phase 1, which Frederic Hudson called ‘Going For It.’ This is where we tend to be positive, energetic, focused and committed to our goals. However, over time, we inevitably move into Phase 2, ‘The Doldrums,’ where our goals don’t energize us like they used to. We may begin to feel a depletion of our energy, a shift into reactivity and sometimes we even begin to feel trapped.
We will eventually get to a place where we are stuck — at the point between the second and third phases. At that point we either find some new goals and move back into Phase 1, or we recognize that a greater change is required and we move into Phase 3, ‘Cocooning.’ This is where we turn inward and reexamine our purpose and values. It’s a time of deep renewal that will eventually shift into Phase 4, ‘Getting Ready’ — where we have a clear idea of what our next chapter looks like and we begin to prepare for it.
Are You at the Stuck Point?
We get so used to our work context and surroundings that we sometimes don’t recognize what it’s doing to us until it’s too late. I believe that determining whether you’re stuck is fundamentally a subjective exercise; you have to be willing to do a hard self-assessment. Ask yourself these questions honestly:
- Where are you at in your working life? Do you derive a sense of meaning from your work?
- Are you full of energy, focused and committed to your goals — or are you dragging yourself into your job every day?
- Do you look forward to going to work?
- Does the Hudson model resonate with you? Do you feel you may be in the Doldrums?
- How much of your life is devoted to activities that bring you joy just for the sake of doing it?
- Are you having any fun? Would you say that you’re mostly happy?
- How is your physical, mental and spiritual health?
Mini-Transition
A mini-transition involves changing some aspects of your life. Perhaps you take on new responsibilities, begin working with a new group of people, change companies or offices, or take your company into a new strategic direction. Whatever you change, it needs to be enough to re-energize and re-engage you in your work.
Life Transition
A true life transition — a move into Phase 3, Cocooning — is essentially a turning inward, a reflective journey. It’s a time to look deeply into our lives and reconnect with what’s really important to us: our values and, most importantly, our sense of purpose. Our purpose is inside of us and in the early stages of the Cocooning phase, our work is to uncover it and find a new way to express it in the world.
If you’re entering Phase 3, I recommend reading ‘The Power of Purpose: Find Meaning, Live Longer, Better’ by Richard J. Leider. The author interviewed older adults (over age 65) and asked: ‘If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently?’ Three themes emerged: they would be more reflective, more courageous, and hopefully clearer about their life purpose at an earlier stage in life.
For many people entering this phase, I think it often helps to work with someone like a coach, therapist or counselor to assist, focus and support the process.